siansation

its noon time..and guess what..have not slept any minute since 11pm Sat night..and..gonna do some random rants..

same old stuffs again..i think its time for me to voice out..well..for once..she went to club..alone..and what she told me was she's v happy that she had that night..because she felt so good..so much better..so much lighter..much much more freely..

alright then..maybe i should step out of her line of sight..since my appearance is hindering her..I've said i wanna stop clubbing..or at least take a rest..she's the one who ask me don't stop..well..i doubt she'll want that decision again??i don't know..

she says without my appearance..without my company..she found her smile..

i don't know what i wanted to post anyway..just feel so bored now..

anyway..all the while..whatever i do..she feels that it cause of attention, appreciation and gratefulness from others..is that the kind of person i am??i think she don't really understand me..

well..i think after all this..lets just put it as our styles of handling matters are different..even voicing out of disagreements and stuffs..we practice different styles..eventually..we'll just argue out of everything..she claims that she's tired..i wonder if she ever notice..I'm tired too..tho i didn't say it out..but does she care??i don't know too..i don't want to think about it anyway..reason being simply i don't understand her..

yeah..she forgives and forgets..yet i still commit the same mistakes..i wonder..is it same or similar?? well..she's into petty business while I'm sensitive..i really don't know where our problems lies..why cant we be friends that are happy..my friends says..our "8 characters" dont match..is there really such shit theories?? i mean its like..i feel that its more of mentality problem..and not based on some unproven theories to make ourselves feel better..

i really hope that the friendship between me and her will change..for the better..of course..but think about it..is it possible??if i accept that we were an item..what about her??

hais..guess what..this is something she also don't like about me..I'm thinking too much..too far..those around to me to forget it..no point continue or bother about her..but I've made my choice that she's still someone I'm really concern about..someone i care..guess she doesn't want it..she feels all this are irritating..all this are just shit and craps to her..well..i think its time to stop..

well..another thing was..she deleted everything about me..and guess what..she apologised that she was harsh..but i felt nothing..don't ask me why..the feeling she's giving me is that she hates me more as the days pass..so I've decided to keep silent..yet..the reply i got was she feels that we're drifting apart..i voice out..also wrong..i keep quiet also wrong..hmm..how??

well..she feels that I'm childish..immatured..what can i say?? she had this kinda thoughts since she got back from Hong Kong..

frankly speaking..I'm beat out..what should i do??follow my friends' advices and suggestions??or i should not give up this friendship??

end of friendship

*blog ended*

she's the one who drew the line with me..so be it..she says i think im right always..i think just forget it then..everything i do is wrong..thats what it meant from the way she says it..

surprised

hihihi...another post again..well..its about Thursday night..

i promised her to go MOS..so i cancelled Leon's meet-up..sorry yeah..anyway..that night I'm quite surprised she had a few small chat with me..telling me frankly that there's change in our friendship again..but at least this time round it ain't that bad..we managed to talk it out..peacefully =)

for the first time..we didn't argue la!! lolx..

disappointed

guess what??I'm hurting..its bleeding inside me..

may

just got released this morning..yeah..i was charged for reporting late to station..

well..was held at the holding cell and since i was on appeal so I'm only needed to be held under custody..not as a detainee..

i just wanna confess that during the moments of sitting down alone in the room..so many stuffs about us flashed through my mind..as if everything was back to the start..the happy times that both of us spent together..

well i really got to admit i miss those days..and i don't mean it for what comes after that..i really miss you alot..so much that it really hurts..to think that now we've stop contacting each other..

it hurts more to know that she thinks I'm at home just because my friendster was updated..well..i just merely asked my bro to put her back into my featured friends corner..to show that i cant stop thinking about her..how much she's appreciated..how valuable she is to me..yet..i was doubted by her..

hais..
y life got to be this way?? i don't like to be maligned..none others would like to be..

line drawn

i take back my words from previous post about that being the last one.

this post is gonna be very simple and straight forward.

1. im extremely sad.
2. she starts to treat me coldly.
3. she never text "bye" to me and she just did.
4. long depression period is coming back for the 2nd time(first was after the break up with her).
5. totally lifeless now.

lolx..will she be reading this?? im so naive..

whatever..

i've decided

this is going to be the last post..

I'm done..I've decided to stop..i should have done it long ago..

Good bye..thanks those who spent time reading the blog..

good luck to everyone out there for year 2008. =)

Time to move on..my love for her now stands still..i just wish her happiness..

Like i've said it myself..loving someone doesnt mean to be with her..just make sure she's happy..especially during the time spent together..be it as a friend or couple.

everything is so wrong

just got home from work..quite a rough one tho..anyway..the day is ending soon..tomorrow will be better =)

2day i rejected meeting honey and Marv for dinner..feeling is so weird..absence makes the heart fonder..is that so? maybe..who knows?

she gave me the feeling that she don't bother about me anymore..maybe she got sick and tired of having different concepts between us..maybe it seems to her that i don't plan to heed her advices/suggestions..there's patience to every one's limit..i don't wish to hit her limit..maybe i should really stop trying to make her laugh..my jokes are too unnatural..

i wonder how easy can it be to stop thinking about her..even sms-ing Marv i can make a mistake and send the message to her..that just shows how much I've been thinking of her all this while..

i really love her too much..been overdoing everything..what should i do??
or should i just let it be..cause whatever i try to do just worsen everything..
I'm really lost..and I'm contradicting myself too..

should i still treat her as a gf or just a friend??or which one she want..

uneasy night

its nightfall and it felt so cold..

we didnt chat on phone..nor we msn much..and you're troubled over something..once again i felt so disappointed in myself again..maybe i think too much..

i dont know..



sigh..i really love you alot..i still miss you like i used to..i really want you back in my arms badly..

discussions and confessions

*yawns..just got back form yishun polyclinic..again..took MC for today..no choice..got to escape from Commander's Parade..because of my hair..ain't acceptable =)

well..2day my mood quite light..i believe honey's too..but she's so tired now..2night she's going to sleep early..i don't care..she's not going to overnight again..

both of us had a chat this morning..or rather from yesterday when she's home till this morning when both of us needs to prepare for work..apparently we had a lot of misunderstandings..why didn't we speak up earlier?? then we wont have to go through these few days we had..anyway..everything should be fine right??hope we have better tomorrows yeah =) please speak up if you have anything in mind ok?? don't wait till things get worse..since we'll be on phone every night..

i will pay more attention ok?? =) i love you..I'll change for better future..

bored

hi hi all..once again..I've woke up..thanks ah Leon.. =.=

time now is 2115HRS..had my dinner and rotting at home..damn..Monday blues filling in fast this week..hmmm..im so bored till here i am to post..

what happened today?? basically..up till now..nothing much..this morning..reached home..waited for honey to wake up..but 1200HRS she's literally still sleeping..well..so..4get it..i decided to sleep..and its nice to know that she sms me when she's up =) there were 2 sms when i read my inbox..and the other one was from her also..telling me she's with her mum at vivo shopping..so i stayed home..and as usual..honey asked if wanna meet..but 2nite was called off..so..

I'm really very disappointed in myself..forget it..it hurts to think about life..no matter how realistic or positive i am..especially when i myself suck at handling my own relationships..i had no problems helping others mend their r/s and that sunken my feelings =.=

thanks whoever gave me this kind of life..i know you will give me something better one day..right?? =)

i had enough..I'm going to change my lifestyle..but i still love you..think whatever you feel it is..since whatever i do/explain..it doesn't makes any difference besides pissing you off..since I'm a trouble for you..then might as well i stay low..we are both straight forward..yet you don't speak of your troubles to me..

Is this called friends?? you said we're close/good friends..
Friends share woes and foes..not to say we're an item before..we should be closer..but whats happening??

mood : complicated ; vexed ; unhappy ; lost

that's me..i think alot..not as if i can control it..its a habit for me..I'm born with it..

rant

well well well..I'm home..once again..from town?? yeah..

whats following are my rants..so its going to be very messy..

got a wake-up call from honey..as she's on the way to skate..sweet.hung up the phone when she reached jurong..and i just continue lazing on my bed..guess what?? Marv called !! lolx..and reminded me that we're supposed to meet Jensen(oops Jensen dun beat me for forgetting it =x)..there were bit of arguments and indecisiveness around..temper was lost..but everything still went well..and i finally made up my mind to go cause she told me to meet at cine suddenly..so immediately i went to prepare..after i shit =x

well..as usual..when she saw me..look at me and walk away..so while waiting for Marv we slack around Gloria..and damn..it stinks at times..finally Marv arrived and we headed for the tickets..things happen..again..anyway..i knew she confirm wont watch the body 19 and I've told Jensen even b4 she reminds me..anyway..me and Marv failed to convince her for the movie..so she went home(and that's an ultimate move to spoil my mood...thanks..)..Jensen and Kim went to get the tix from Cathay so me and Marv gotta pick up our speed and meet them at Cathay after she went home..

well..we sms each other..even during my show..we had arguments..again..whats new??i don't know..you can say i don't understand you..i agree..that's why things turn out this way..but have you ever thought of this?? did u open up your problems to me?? only till now..finally you text out your thoughts..and guess what?? i know i have not been making you feel secure but I've been considering the factors and trying to think of solutions..yet what happened?? yeah..i screwed up everything..

today..we touch on the topic about friends..and you feel that I'm putting up a show..I've made it clear that it takes two hands to clap..and i treat people double the way of how I'm treated..this is a grave misunderstanding and both of us chose to keep it silent..but i don't want to anymore..that explains why i ask you the question..and guess what?? it was the feeling u gave me..that I'm still irritating you..and thus i chose to be standing at a distance..but still..I'm in the wrong again..

whatever it is..i just got to admit..i dun understand u well enough that's why i piss u off every time..i don't know..

life is so routine for me

**yawns..just had a bath and back from MOS..

now now..what do i have for u readers??as usual..lets begin with my morning..
well..i left honey's house at 1000HRS?? and after that i went over to Yishun polyclinic..again..but i have 2 days of MCs..lolx..that is just so wonderful.saw 7 of my other colleagues there too and i was like "NBCB..what the hell..all keng MC?? " lolx..the atmosphere was so funny. anyway..nth much interesting about that. so i went home after the procedures were done.

@ 1445 HRS?? my honey woke up..like finally la !! (miss her ma) =x
then called wg.Joe out to sim lim..and we drop by "guanyin miao" too..hmmm..generally..the outing was alright..had laughters..and some food in between =)
following was that Marv gonna meet us @ MOS when he said he's heading down to sim lim =.=
me and honey reached bugis @ 1800HRS..so not much time spent there also..but after walking sim lim we took a break @ long john..before deciding to head down to MOS.

and finally..it was 2100HRS ++ ?? inclusive of Joe's disappearance..we decided to look for him and proceed to our next destination..MOS.. loves ^^

MOS wasn't much of shufflers..compared to those of previous Friday Nights. =(
and once again i pissed u off..i dunno y..yet u don't want to hear my explanation??come on la..Isn't that kind of unfair to me?i really hope u can understand me. and it's not that I'm gonna leave u alone, I'm just waiting for Marv to come back find u first. the reason y i never plan to bring u along is because i dint know how long will i be there and I'm afraid u will get bored..yet after all this consideration I'm still wrong.arh..forget it..isn't that what u always say? what happen had happened no point talking about it right??that is the problem with u, u want me to say out my problems when i have any..yet u don't say yours out when u have..

anyway..I'm dead tired..I'm going sleep now. Gd Night all..

what the fuck am i thinking

This few days have been real sad actually..i dont know how to move on..how to let go of u..yeah itz my problem i noe..but still??

people always say..whats past is past..let it go and move on..yeah..it so easy said..to make it happen?? itz not easy..everybody knows that..i know it too..time will cease everything..will it be?? im afraid its going to be a tough and impossible one..

i dont about u..but i know myself..i still love u alot..frankly speaking u really made up my life..i want u back in my life..but is that possible?? all i can do now is to watch u from faraway..how i wish u'll be in my life again..just like before..when i can still care and concern for u..to have u in my arms..

in a relationship..quarrels/arguments/disapproval are inevitable and its how both parties handle it..it takes 2 hands to clap..even tho u gave me chance after chances..but mistakes have to be pointed so one can know the mistake and he/she shall amend it..its so disheartening when i piss u off..i noe u'll only say things once..but im a slow one..i need more time to amend..and hinting is not a good way to talk about problems..its misleading no matter how good u are..

anyway..i just wanna say out parts of my feeling/thoughts..im just typing what i think of now..before i forget..


well..honey..i still loves u alot..but u said it clearly we'll only be friends..that is really very sad to hear..

Whatsup

Hey Hey..once again..im free to blog again..lolx..

Lets start with the morning..well..nth much actually..just went to Yishun PolyClinic to take MC.. =X den went home aft that..dont really know what time i reached home anyway..

lets start rolling back..

Yesterday 030108 :

hmm..what have i done yesterday?? oh..i think i was at office..and i slept literally the whole working hours until half hour before knocking off i was caught for sleeping =.= *luckily only $20 fine* and after which i went home.

Until late night i decided to go over my honey's house since she's bored and brought her honey drink and choc..apparently she din take..so left it at her house..let her take it when she wants it..

the day before yesterday 020108 (erm..that's like Wednesday??) :

as usual..go office..such routine shit..was a smooth day..after work..go back home..
and honey called to meet @ cine..so i went down to meet eric and aj too..following that we picked marv up and head to arab street..shisha..nth much of a day..everyone was kinda tired tho..

thats all i can rmb..

NEW YEAR 2008 !!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE YEAH!!

MAY ALL HAVE A SMOOTH SAILING JOURNEY IN YOUR LIFE..AND SO IS FOR MINE..

itz all about you

Things started to change nowadays and its drastically fast.There are so many stuffs i would love to discuss with you but i had no idea how to start as i had been irritating u. i really reflected on myself.. and thought of picking myself up and be myself again..the happy one i used to be..but end up..i was screwed again..oh thanks to myself yeah..

about the ktv..purely i just wanted to balance both side..and it really slipped off my mind to differentiate the priority ..

i don't know how i should put it.
i really don't know whats happening.
i was told i think too much about you..

but is that a mistake?? is it wrong for me to think about you??
maybe u could help me by telling me how i've changed??

main thing about us is that even tho we had something to tell each other..at that moment of time..we just let it grow..

I've really regretted mistreating u since your comeback from HK..

anyone wanna be my advisor?? time to pay me back when i was your advisor..