siansation

its noon time..and guess what..have not slept any minute since 11pm Sat night..and..gonna do some random rants..

same old stuffs again..i think its time for me to voice out..well..for once..she went to club..alone..and what she told me was she's v happy that she had that night..because she felt so good..so much better..so much lighter..much much more freely..

alright then..maybe i should step out of her line of sight..since my appearance is hindering her..I've said i wanna stop clubbing..or at least take a rest..she's the one who ask me don't stop..well..i doubt she'll want that decision again??i don't know..

she says without my appearance..without my company..she found her smile..

i don't know what i wanted to post anyway..just feel so bored now..

anyway..all the while..whatever i do..she feels that it cause of attention, appreciation and gratefulness from others..is that the kind of person i am??i think she don't really understand me..

well..i think after all this..lets just put it as our styles of handling matters are different..even voicing out of disagreements and stuffs..we practice different styles..eventually..we'll just argue out of everything..she claims that she's tired..i wonder if she ever notice..I'm tired too..tho i didn't say it out..but does she care??i don't know too..i don't want to think about it anyway..reason being simply i don't understand her..

yeah..she forgives and forgets..yet i still commit the same mistakes..i wonder..is it same or similar?? well..she's into petty business while I'm sensitive..i really don't know where our problems lies..why cant we be friends that are happy..my friends says..our "8 characters" dont match..is there really such shit theories?? i mean its like..i feel that its more of mentality problem..and not based on some unproven theories to make ourselves feel better..

i really hope that the friendship between me and her will change..for the better..of course..but think about it..is it possible??if i accept that we were an item..what about her??

hais..guess what..this is something she also don't like about me..I'm thinking too much..too far..those around to me to forget it..no point continue or bother about her..but I've made my choice that she's still someone I'm really concern about..someone i care..guess she doesn't want it..she feels all this are irritating..all this are just shit and craps to her..well..i think its time to stop..

well..another thing was..she deleted everything about me..and guess what..she apologised that she was harsh..but i felt nothing..don't ask me why..the feeling she's giving me is that she hates me more as the days pass..so I've decided to keep silent..yet..the reply i got was she feels that we're drifting apart..i voice out..also wrong..i keep quiet also wrong..hmm..how??

well..she feels that I'm childish..immatured..what can i say?? she had this kinda thoughts since she got back from Hong Kong..

frankly speaking..I'm beat out..what should i do??follow my friends' advices and suggestions??or i should not give up this friendship??